Do you like to think about things? Do you dig deep and go over all of your childhood ‘issues’ to try and relate them all to you current behaviour? Is it driving you nuts?! Is your past living right here with you in the present day? Are you picking yourself to pieces through constant navel gazing?! Do you pick and pick until you have turned yourself inside out trying to find ‘what is wrong with me’?!?
I’ve got news for you – nothing is wrong with you! It never was, never will be. Any reaction you had in the past was valid, it doesn’t need rehashing, learn from it and live here, now, in the present. There is nothing that you need to word out, dig up or punish yourself over.
Most of us are brought up to believe that there is good and there is evil in the world, there is good and there is bad and we believe this to be true. It’s human nature to want to define things. We believe in good and bad and our minds then take on the action of filing everything that happens to us in different boxes named ‘good’ and ‘bad’.
We especially get caught up trying to class other people, things, actions and feelings. Good, bad, good, bad, good, bad, good, bad, good, bad? But the mind gets stuck on the classification, because nothing is really that classifiable is it? Not really. You see we don’t really know what is good and bad, any actions, things or feelings; they could have many different reasons behind them, other people’s stories, stories that we know nothing about so we cannot possibly classify them. We would need so much more information and perspective to define the actions of others; we cannot possibly do that without actually getting into the other persons head!
To quote Newton’s third law ‘For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.’ There is good and there is bad, without one the other does not exist, without good you cannot define bad, without up there is no down. Ying and yang, positive and negative without one the other does not exist; they are essential to each other’s definition, which makes them one of the same thing.
That’s all quite deep and technical but it’s no wonder people get caught up in discussions about their partners or work, they are looking for definition, so that they can put their mind at ease. If that other party could just agree with us! Ask a friend; tell me is this good, is this bad? So then you can file the thing away in that good or bad ‘box’ and not think about it again. Our minds want to define everything so that we can find peace and feel good, that we are… good! When we do something bad, re ruminate and dissect it to see what the problem is. It’s natural, but it’s also a bit destructive. But there is another option….
When we can give up defining everything as one thing or the other we can help put our minds at ease. And I am not going to say find a ‘grey area’ because the mind will then have three categories to box up! Hmm, good, bad or grey?! Dropping the need to define everything is part of acceptance and a fantastic way to quiet your mind (and then take up meditation!). Say there is something super confusing that someone did to you from five years ago that your mind is still unsure about, you have little mental discussions in your head about it still going on even years later! Trying to define it, so that you can put it in that box and finally forget about it.
Well imagine you don’t want to do that anymore, imagine you don’t want to spend any more energy putting all your experiences into boxes. You can choose to step away for a bit, let it go. You’ll save a lot of mental energy once you see that nothing is ever as it seems, so why bother to define everything? You will find bliss hiding in a lot more experiences when you give up defining them. Imagine that, it is what it is!
Being self aware and being mind centred or analytical are two completely different things! Make sure you are heading for self aware, the first step is to give up categorizing all your experiences as good or bad, it’s just an experience! Enjoy it!
What’s done is done. Happiness is yours for the taking.
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